The Lie of Non-Judgment
A robed, female judge holding a gavel and the text “The Lie of Non-Judgment.”
A short while ago there were videos and memes going around social media with the phrase, “We listen and we don’t judge.”
Very amusing. Very demure.
However…
Are we as humans able to not judge? And what is judgment anyway? Isn’t it categorizing into degrees of like/want/need or dislike/don’t want/don’t need somethings? Or someone(s)?
Listening to my daily meditation this morning, the speaker calmly urged me to allow my stray thoughts to pass through, without judgment.
Cool. Cool.
BUT, doesn’t that mean that beyond YES or NO, there is a third category of judgment? Isn’t ALLOWING another way to judge.
We decide to ALLOW, the same way that we decide if we like chocolate pudding or not.
We decide, and in that deciding, there is judgment.
Human beings must be judgmental. It’s how we’ve survived as a species. It’s trial and error and then informed choices and educated guesses, all of which are exercises in judgment. In meeting other humans, we unconsciously make multiple assortments of judgments, almost immediately. Again, our survival has required us to decide if this person is friend, foe or even predator. We praise other humans as “having good judgment.”
Judging is a skill.
To decide to not judge is a judgment, but it’s an internal judgment to and about ourselves.
To decide to allow thoughts to flow without grabbing and weighing them in that moment, is to judge ourself. We’re saying “no” to those thoughts.
Deciding that our judgment of a person isn’t integral to the quality of our own life, OR the life of that person, frees us. To decide to allow, is to give grace and space for people to be themselves, separate and apart from our beliefs, leanings, and experiences.
To provide that allowance is to acknowledge that while we’re all connected, we’re all also our own universes, beautifully and wildly made.
So, while judging is human and inevitable, deciding to allow, might just go a step beyond.
Allow yourself to be kind, inwardly and outwardly.
LB Adams is the CEO of Practical Dramatics, LLC. She is a communication facilitator & public speaking coach, author and keynote speaker.